there are young kids out there trying to find porn on youtube
Go ahead and ask me shizzle
you don’t understand i would sell my firstborn to know how this story started
Well it all started when Mrs. Hayfer wanted me to babysit her dumb house. When I got the keys, I sat them on top of this pie that I found on the counter. I knew it was going to be given to the family for desert if I didn’t eat it soon, so I was going to plan to eat it in my teacher’s house and dump all the crumbs on her bed. So it’s a win-win, right? Besides, she wouldn’t find out about the crumbs until after I was paid, and this teacher hates me anyway. Then, I got distracted when this hot cheerleader calls me, asking about what movie I’d recommend, but before I could answer, I realize that my mom would be there any second to serve dinner, and there was no way I was sharing that pie. So I bust out of there with the pie and the keys, and the moment I get in the house, I start chowing down on the pie with my bare hands, trying to eat this thing before anyone knows I took it, right? Well, since the pie crust was dry, I chugged a 2-liter bottle of soda whenever my throat would get dry and eventually, I really needed “to go.” Only when I went to flush, the water wouldn’t stop flowing and there was no plunger to be found. Usually I’d just shrug and say it was Josh’s fault or something, but let’s get real here, Mrs. Hayfer would’ve blamed me about her toilet overflowing if I was 30 states away. So I jammed my foot in there, hoping it’d make the toilet stop flushing. Then my phone rings, and I knew it was my mom, asking where her pie went, and because Meghan decided it’d be a great idea to make my ring tone a bunch of cats meowing, Mrs. Hayfer’s dog, Tiberius starts freaking out, bashing into the door over and over again. Now anyone who knows this dog knows that this dog will happily eat anything, and that includes the pie, and probably myself. So my foot’s totally stuck in there right, I’m freaking out, the dog’s having a seizure and I still got half a pie left.
i feel it necessary to reblog since i just read that whole thing
I love when you become so close with someone that you can see parts of each other in one another and you begin to say the same things and steal lines from one another and have a similar sense of humor and can exchange an inside joke with just a glance you don’t even have to talk because you have such a strong connection with them and you can sit in comfortable silence but also talk for hours it’s really hard to find that kind of compatibility
can i ask what the story was?
tbh it’s not exatly a story that fills me with pride. The only people who know about it are people who were like there for it, and anyone they’ve told, but it can’t actually be tracked back to me unless the one person who knows me as anything bar a username from back in those dys fucks up and tells someone that it’s me. And my bf now
so you’ve always been cool on the internet
erm not so much
I really should’ve said infamous tbh
it was one of the weirdest moments of my life. It really was. Apprently I made ti around a few websites in that story.
If you ever think your internet doings won’t come back to haunt you just remember i told my bf about something i did 3 years ago on a site he never even used and his response was “that was you?”
I just found this gem on facebook and it is glorious
whenever someone on tumblr says “I’m posting this because no one’s awake so no one will see it”, i look outside my window at the beautiful sunny day outside. it is mid afternoon. the Australians will always be awake and ready for your 3am shame posts
how did i even get a boyfriend
i understand everyone’s shock now
how do u even start dating your crush how does that happen to someone
its so weird hearing sudden english words in the middle of someone speaking another language its like ur ears suddenly zoom in